Recently, I posted an article of laughable quotes and opined that I did not remember who the author was. One of my connections on LinkedIn sent me to Snopes and I found more! So here they are. Remember that these are supposed to be squawk sheets by Qantas pilots directing their maintenance personnel to a problem coupled with the maintenance response.
Defect: The autopilot doesn’t.
Action: IT DOES NOW.
Defect: Seat cushion in 13F smells rotten.
Action: Fresh seat cushion on order.
Defect: Turn & slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns.
Action: Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn!
Defect: Whining sound heard on engine shutdown.
Action: Pilot removed from aircraft.
Defect: Pilot’s clock inoperative.
Action: Wound clock.
Defect: Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500 pounds.
Action: Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300 pounds.
Defect: #2 ADF needle runs wild.
Action: Caught and tamed #2 ADF needle.
Defect: Unfamiliar noise coming from #2 engine.
Action: Engine run for four hours. Noise now familiar.
Defect: Noise coming from #2 engine. Sounds like man with little hammer.
Action: Took little hammer away from man in #2 engine.
Defect: Whining noise coming from #2 engine compartment.
Action: Returned little hammer to man in #2 engine.
Defect: Flight attendant cold at altitude.
Action: Ground checks OK.
Defect: 3 roaches in cabin.
Action: 1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.
Defect: Weather radar went ape!
Action: Opened radar, let out ape, cleaned up mess!
If you liked this article read are first humor article
by Thomas A. Alston Mr. Alston is the Founder and CEO of Aero & Marine Tax Professionals. His company has prepared and filed hundreds of tax returns with a 100% success rate. Mr. Alston’s management and tax experience are the foundation and guiding hand for all of Aero & Marine activities. His full-proof system to legally avoid paying sales tax on aircraft purchases has never failed. Aero & Marine Tax Professionals is the premier California sales and use tax consulting firm specializing in the area of Mobile Transportation Equipment (aircraft, vessels and vehicles).
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