Recently, I posted an article of laughable quotes and opined that I did not remember who the author was. One of my connections on LinkedIn sent me to Snopes and I found more! So here they are. Remember that these are supposed to be squawk sheets by Qantas pilots directing their maintenance personnel to a problem coupled with the maintenance response.
Defect: The autopilot doesn’t.
Action: IT DOES NOW.
Defect: Seat cushion in 13F smells rotten.
Action: Fresh seat cushion on order.
Defect: Turn & slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns.
Action: Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn!
Defect: Whining sound heard on engine shutdown.
Action: Pilot removed from aircraft.
Defect: Pilot’s clock inoperative.
Action: Wound clock.
Defect: Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500 pounds.
Action: Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300 pounds.
Defect: #2 ADF needle runs wild.
Action: Caught and tamed #2 ADF needle.
Defect: Unfamiliar noise coming from #2 engine.
Action: Engine run for four hours. Noise now familiar.
Defect: Noise coming from #2 engine. Sounds like man with little hammer.
Action: Took little hammer away from man in #2 engine.
Defect: Whining noise coming from #2 engine compartment.
Action: Returned little hammer to man in #2 engine.
Defect: Flight attendant cold at altitude.
Action: Ground checks OK.
Defect: 3 roaches in cabin.
Action: 1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.
Defect: Weather radar went ape!
Action: Opened radar, let out ape, cleaned up mess!
If you liked this article read our first humor article
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